


affection for an idiot

by wordstruck



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Chihokogate, M/M, maybe chihoko was the friendships they made along the way, the aftermath of Chihoko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 09:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10761195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordstruck/pseuds/wordstruck
Summary: “Is this better than Chihoko?” he yells down defiantly.Yuuri looks up at this impossibly irrational, petty and ridiculous man, who is apparently so in love with Yuuri that he’s willing to risk life, limb, and dignity to prove himself more worthy of Yuuri’s love. His gesture is plenty over the top, and honestly absurd, but he’s just so very sincere and very upset that Yuuri might love someone else.Against his better judgement, Yuuri starts to smile.“Who’s Chihoko?” he yells back. “I could search the whole world, Viktor, nobody is better than you!”Or, the Chihoko incident and the aftermath.





	affection for an idiot

**Author's Note:**

> are you guys as deceased as i am because i've been ascending to different planes of existence this entire afternoon after the yuri on stage news. i thought the wedding tux line was bad enough but boy, oh boy.
> 
> say hi on twitter at [@okw_tr](https://twitter.com/okw_tr) and tumblr at [plstskys](https://plstskys.tumblr.com)!! i make a lot of YOI/HQ AUs.

* * *

 

 

His head hurts.

Yuuri cracks open his eyes, flinching in the morning sunlight streaming through the windows. There’s something over his head, some kind of fabric – a bandanna? He can vaguely tell by the pattern of the sheets that this is his room, and his bed. His mouth feels bone dry. Under his sheets, he realizes in horror that he is completely nude.

His head _really_ hurts.

He tries to move, and regrets it instantly. It sends the pain in his head spiking, and his stomach reels in protest. Yuuri smashes his face into the pillow and groans, a raspy noise in his throat.

“Oh!” A familiar voice is far too loud and cheery. Yuuri scrunches his eyes further shut. “You’re awake. We need your help.”

Yuuri kind of moans in response.

“So you see, it seems you and Viktor had a misunderstanding last night, and then he disappeared from the onsen, and then Emil found him a few hours ago on top of—”

Yuuri groans louder, trying to get Phichit to _take a hint._

“—the castle walls completely naked and ranting about someone named Chihoko, and he won’t come down—”

Yuuri sits up entirely too fast for both his head and his gut. The room starts to spin and he’s pretty sure he’s going to throw up. Clapping his hands to his head, Yuuri squints his eyes shut and says, hoarsely, “ _Phichit._ ”

“—and – sorry! Are you okay?”

Yuuri very slowly shakes his head, and is greeted by patient silence. When he feels less like he’s been hit by a herd of angry horses, he peeks through one eye.

Phichit is sitting on his desk chair, scrolling through something on his phone. He catches Yuuri’s eye and smiles sympathetically, before passing over a glass of water. It’s not the first time (and likely not the last) he’s had to deal with hungover Yuuri, and Yuuri is infinitely thankful for his friend (although he does wish sometimes Phichit wouldn’t talk quite so loud when Yuuri still hasn’t figured out which way is up). It’s also not the first time Phichit has had to deal with naked Yuuri, but Yuuri is not so thankful that this has to happen.

After drinking the entire glass, Yuuri feels marginally better. He cradles the still-cool glass in his hands, presses it to his forehead. Then he sits up, blankets pooled around his hips for modesty. Summons the strength to speak. “Okay,” he says, and then adds, “but _slowly._ ”

Phichit nods. “Viktor is sitting naked on a wall of the castle yelling about someone named Chihoko and he won’t come down until he talks to you.”

Yuuri turns that sentence over in his head a few times. Then he simply slumps back down onto his bed and breathes in and out for a few moments.

It is _way_ too early to be dealing with this.

 

On their way to the castle, Yuuri has been quietly hoping that Phichit had been exaggerating somehow. That perhaps Viktor is _not_ naked and sitting on the wall of a fake Japanese landmark ranting about someone named Chihoko (and who even _is_ Chihoko?) while Chris and Yurio try to convince him to come down (Chris more reasonably, Yurio apparently just yelling). But the more Phichit tells him about the events of last night, the more Yuuri thinks he’s just living in denial.

(Also, he'd apparently had Viktor's  _underwear_ on his head. He would really prefer to be in denial.)

“…and Chris and Viktor were flirting in that way they always do, and you got _really_ annoyed and sat in his lap and told Viktor that he should only look at you. And when he said he already was, you said he wasn’t looking _enough,_ which was very cute. Except Yurio thought it was gross. Oh! And Minami was telling everyone the different names he came up with for Yurio’s exhibition skate, and apparently Otabek had suggestions too…”

(Yuuri really wants to turn around now and go back to his room. Maybe if he stays in bed, this will not be happening.)

“…and then Seung-gil got very drunk and I had no idea he could be like that! I’m honestly so angry I didn’t get to take a picture when he kissed Nishigori-san—”

“HE WHAT?!”

“Oh don’t worry, he was trying to kiss everyone. Even you, but Viktor wouldn’t let him.”

“Oh my god.”

“And then—!”

(Yuuri _really_ wants to go back to bed now.)

“—you started up a stripping game, which you lost, because even in Detroit you always lost, and that’s why you were naked. Then Viktor started helping you stretch, but since you weren’t warmed up, you weren’t very flexible. You started saying something that sounded like the Japanese word for penis, and then Viktor got very confused. And that’s when you passed out and Chris and I carried you to your room!”

Yuuri has his face in his hands. His head still feels like it’s being jackhammered. His stomach feels awful. Phichit had told him a few minutes ago that he has the words _OVERCOME CHIHOKO!!!_ scrawled across his back in Viktor’s handwriting. He wants to melt into the ground.

“And then when we got back to the banquet room, Viktor was gone! And no one knew where he went, although Yurio said he was muttering something about Chihoko, and he’s still yelling about that now. Emil flew in last night so he got to the party late, and when he arrived he said something about seeing Viktor up by the ninja castle, naked and angry. So Chris, Yurio, and Otabek went to get him, but it seems he won’t come down until he talks to you.”

Phichit stops there, evidently having finished recounting every single sordid detail with an enthusiasm that only Phichit can summon. Yuuri inhales, then exhales, then sighs.

“Who’s Chihoko?”

Phichit shrugs. “We don’t actually know. They seem to have something to do with you, but we’ve know each other for six years now and I’ve never heard of Chihoko before.”

Yuuri frowns, racking his brains. An old ballet classmate? Another skater? A fan? Nothing comes to mind.

Phichit’s phone buzzes ( _again_ again), and he snorts while he looks down. Yuuri heaves another sigh. “What _now?_ ”

His friend is grinning shamelessly as he holds up his phone. “Apparently Viktor thinks Chihoko is your ex-girlfriend or something.”

There’s a text message from Chris that says Viktor is crying and saying _he’s_ better than Chihoko, and definitely more flexible and pretty, and Yuuri has _him_ now so he doesn’t need anyone else. Yuuri, quite frankly, is mortified.

Phichit pats him on the shoulder with absolutely no shred of sympathy, and walks a little faster.

 

When they arrive on scene, Yuuri has to take a minute to process everything. Viktor Nikiforov, five-time figure skating world champion and living skate legend, is indeed buck naked and sitting on the lowest tier of the “castle” roofs. Yuuri has no idea how he could have managed to get up there, and truthfully, he doesn’t want to know. He just wants Viktor to come down and stop crying, and have breakfast.

“Oh thank god,” Yuri says, sagging in obvious relief when he spots Yuuri and Phichit heading their way. He looks equal parts exhausted and livid, while beside him Otabek seems to be holding back a laugh. Chris is standing at the base of the castle, clearly arguing with Viktor in rapid French, wild hand gestures included.

“He won’t come down and he won’t put on any clothes,” Yuri says in one breath. He looks a bit desperate. Yuuri makes a mental note to get him some extra katsudon for lunch. “I don’t know what he’s yelling about but you have to make him _stop,_ it’s embarrassing.”

“What he said,” Otabek follows up. His lips press together with great effort, the corners twitching up.

Yuuri looks between the two of them, then at Phichit, then Chris, and then finally at Viktor.

“I am in love with an idiot,” he mutters under his breath, then shuffles over resignedly.

Chris is the first to notice him, and he throws himself at Yuuri, babbling in French and seeming almost in tears. Yuuri, overwhelmed and still hungover, can only look confused until Phichit taps Chris on the shoulder to calm him down.

“Oh, sorry,” Chris says in English, grimacing. “I’ve been trying to talk him down for hours, he was doing the sun salutations up there a while ago. Saying something about being more flexible than someone named Chihoko, and that he’s going to surpass her in everything, because you have _him_ now and he’s Viktor Nikiforov, so clearly you don’t need anyone else.”

(Phichit snorts. Yuuri groans and buries his face in Phichit’s shoulder.)

“At this point he started getting kind of depressed and wondering if you _do_ want someone else and he’s not enough, and that’s what we’ve been arguing about for an hour and a half.”

Yuuri sighs yet again and pats Chris on the shoulder for being an absolute trooper.

“I’ll get him,” he says, wearily and reluctantly. By now, Viktor has noticed them all gathered on the ground and is yelling something in very earnest Russian.

“Good luck,” Phichit says, shoving him forward (and bringing out his phone once Yuuri has turned around).

 

Looking at Viktor is proving a bit awkward, because he’s very, _very_ naked. Yuuri settles for looking a bit to the left.

“Viktor!” he yells, wincing as the sound reverberates in his head. “Come down, please!”

“ _Yuuri!”_ Viktor sounds like he’s crying (he probably is). “I promise I will be better for you than Chihoko! I will wash the dishes and walk the dog and do all your laundry—”

“Viktor—”

“—and I am much more flexible, I’m a world champion and Olympic skater, _nobody_ is more flexible than me—”

“Uh, Viktor…”

World Champion and Olympic skater Viktor Nikiforov is now pulling his left leg up in a standing split, revealing everything to the heavens. “ _Is this better than Chihoko?_ ” he yells down defiantly.

Yuuri looks up at this impossibly irrational, petty, ridiculous and naked man, who is apparently so in love with Yuuri that he’s willing to risk life, limb, and dignity to prove himself more worthy of Yuuri’s love. His gesture is plenty over the top, and honestly absurd, but he’s just so very _sincere_ and very upset that Yuuri might love someone else.

Against his better judgement, Yuuri starts to smile.

“Who’s Chihoko?” he yells back. “I could search the whole world, Viktor, nobody is better than you!”

(Behind him, Chris snorts most unbecomingly. Yurio is yelling at them to get a room. It occurs to Yuuri that Viktor is possibly still drunk.)

“Am I shining, Yuuri?”

Yuuri presses his palms to his mouth. Viktor is being endearingly nonsensical. _Yuuri_ is being nonsensical, if he thinks this is _endearing._

“Very brightly!” he calls back.

“I LOVE YOU!” Viktor shouts, and he smiles like the sun.

“Well I’m glad that’s sorted,” Chris muses, coming to stand beside Yuuri. “But that doesn’t explain why he’s stretching, and who Chihoko is.”

Yuuri frowns, something nagging at the back of his mind. The name _Chihoko_ has been bothering him since Phichit had first mentioned it, because drunk or sober he’s never known _anyone_ named Chihoko. And there’s the fact that Viktor is going on and on about being more flexible and better, and—

Yuuri snorts ungracefully, the realization hitting him like a truck. The laughter bubbles up before he can stop it, until he’s doubled over, wheezing and cackling and holding his sides (the chubby sides that Viktor had slurred over last night, pinching and kissing).

He loves this man, Yuuri realizes again, as he wipes tears from his eyes and tries to catch his breath. He loves this absolutely ridiculous, completely petty, unbelievably idiotic man.

“ _Yuuri,_ ” Viktor is whining from the castle roof. Yuuri looks up at him, smiling so hard it hurts.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he says, shoulders still shaking with suppressed giggles. And Chris, Phichit, Yurio and Otabek all watch in disbelief as Yuuri shrugs out of his jacket, hangover forgotten, and starts to climb up after his outrageous, remarkable, and quite frankly gorgeous fiancée.

(He’ll never admit it out loud, but Viktor naked is one hell of a view.)

It’s a struggle, but he finally makes it onto the roof beside Viktor, who is simultaneously trying to hug him and kiss him and tell him not to leave. And Yuuri laughs, bright in the morning sunlight, and squishes Viktor’s cheeks between his palms.

“I love you, too, you idiot,” he declares. Then he kisses Viktor back.

 

* * *

 

 

Much later, after Phichit has uploaded a few choice (but subtle!) photos to his Instagram stories and sent the better ones to Chris, they finally have pity and call Nishigori-san to help get Viktor and Yuuri down from the castle, because the two of them have very uncomfortably discovered that getting  _down_ is a bit trickier than going up. Yuuri is blushing furiously about the fact that he's only half-clothed, but Viktor doesn't seem to have a care in the world. Yurio is furious with them both.

They get lectured severely, and Yuuri knows no one is going to let them live this down, but when he sees the sheer adoration and joy in Viktor's eyes whenever the man looks at him, Yuuri figures it's worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Inserting a short explanation by anonymous commenter Jen on what "chihoko" actually is, for those who didn't see the explanations on Twitter:
> 
> Drunk Yuuri actually referred to "シャチホコ/鯱"(pronounced as shachihoko) in his conversation with Victor, which is an end tile in the shape of an imaginary sea animal on the top of Japanese castles. However Victor misheard that as ちほこ(pronounced as chihoko) and thought it's a person's name(either boy/girl name depending on kanji). If you google シャチホコ images, you can see why Yuuri called it flexible(just look at the shape) and why Victor ended up on the top of the castle. This's actually a fun play of Japanese words, and a big joke that seems to be lost in every English translation so far, but many Japanese fans found it amusing(they're all over Japanese twitter feeds). So let's just say Victor's actions are sort of "logical" here.
> 
> \---
> 
> This is something Yuuri realizes when he's looking up at Viktor stretching on top of Hasetsu castle and sees him beside the shachihoko, which is why he starts laughing, because Vitya really is an endearing idiot.


End file.
